money stresses me out.

(that's a shocker, i'm sure).

though i'm no dave ramsey, i try to live on a pretty strict budget. to 'tell my money where to go'. to give first, save second, and spend third.

and to be honest, it's hard. especially for a control-freak who tends to go to the extreme with just about every aspect of her life. someone says 'jump!' and i ask what kind of shoes i should wear, how long i should stay in the air, and how i need to pose when i land. i like formuals and plans and instructions. as i've mentioned before, i like predictable.

so when unexpected expenses seemed to be popping up everywhere last month, i found myself doing what i do best: panicking.

i wanted to cancel plans. skip birthday dinners. miss weddings (seriously).

all in the name of saving.

but then came the guilt of letting people down. of disappointing my closest friends. of not being dependable or supportive. of missing out.

i know there has to be a balance. a line. a point where i take a step back and realize relationships and community are just as, if not more, important to Christ than what's in my bank account.

it's good to be financially responsible. to give. to save. to not insist on having things you can't afford.

but it's also good to be someone others can count on to be there. not just with phone calls or e-mails, but to phsyically be there during the important moments in their lives.

i really don't have a solution or an answer to my green monster dilemma. i'm totally and completely reliant on the Lord to guide my steps (and my wallet) as i struggle to strike a balance between responsible living and cultivating relationships.

what do you think?

any advice?